For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, our Heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Matthew 6:14 NIV
A couple years ago I had this . . . situation. There was this individual, let’s just call this individual Sue, who I initially liked. Situations aligned and Sue was able to help me out with a project and in return I was able to teach her a new skill. It seemed like a godsend situation—until it didn’t. I saw a whole different side to Sue than I had previously seen, and I didn’t like it. I tried being patient. I had given her second chance after second chance. I tried to be loving yet firm. It didn’t matter, Sue’s actions didn’t change.
Eventually things got unbearable and we decided to go our separate ways—no hurt feelings. Except that mine were hurt. By all accounts, Sue had not treated me right: she knew it and I knew it. This was one of those times in life when we are wronged and have done nothing to deserve it. I told myself, my husband, and my mom that I had simply seen a different side to Sue’s personality and had no desire to continue the friendship we previously shared. And, no, I wasn’t bitter and, yes, I forgave her for the way she wronged me. But my actions spoke otherwise.
As I said, we went our separate ways but when I would see Sue, I staved off conversations with a quick wave and smile before turning and making a graceful exit. When it looked like she was going to come over and join a conversation, I would step closer to whoever I was talking to, making it look like we were in an engrossing conversation and we shouldn’t be bothered. It worked. I successfully avoided Sue in a friendly manner for months and had myself convinced that I was okay. I ignored the flood of angry emotions that boiled to the surface when she came to mind.
Ignoring or barely tolerating a person is not forgiveness. Forgiveness is being able to truly love that person again.
A few months later I was sitting in church, I don’t remember what the sermon was on, but a still small voice said in my ear, “What if you are the only Jesus they ever see?” I knew who the “they” was. Sue had been going through a long rough patch. Life hadn’t been easy for her, and I knew she had been struggling for a while. She kept waiting for the one thing that would change everything for her. Funny isn’t it? We wait for the “one thing” to happen that will change everything and we forget that it is the Creator Of All Things who is the only one who can change anything. What if I was the only example of Jesus that Sue had in her life at this time? Would I let my bitterness get in the way?
I believe the Holy Spirit was prompting me but I told myself I had just imagined it. (Never mind the fact that there was no way I would have come up with that thought regarding Sue on my own!) So now I was stuck. I was supposed to take action. I was supposed to reach out to her. I thought it would be weird to call or to text her out of the blue. It would be even weirder, not to mention awkward, to invite her over for dinner. (Oh the lies we tell ourselves!) Then I looked out my window and saw my blueberry bushes—they were brimming with big, juicy berries that desperately needed picking—and I got an idea! Blueberries are Sue’s absolute favorite food so I asked her if she wanted to come pick blueberries with me. She said yes. We moved on. I forgave.
Not too long after that she moved away. If I had ignored the Holy Spirit’s prompting or procrastinated for much longer, I would have deprived myself from being able to forgive Sue. Forgiving her wasn’t just about her. It had been about me too. I’m not sure she even realized the depth to which I felt she had hurt and wronged me. But I knew. And it had been festering. Typically, I am not slow to forgive—I have a short memory and often times can’t even remember why I was hurt or angry! This time though, it was a struggle. If I was or ever will be the only example of Jesus that someone sees, I sure do not want them thinking that Jesus is a bitter God who is slow to forgive. I want them to see the Jesus that I willingly serve, who is slow to anger and abounding in mercy, especially to me.
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