by Alaina | Jul 17, 2021 | Book Nook
I must think habits are the secret to everything we want to be and do! I have read my fair share of books about habits and I find everything about habits fascinating. I love reading about how habits are formed, how to break bad habits, how to develop new habits and how good habits can simplify my life!
Below are few of the books that I have read about habits.
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
This book was very informative regarding—you guessed it—the power of habit! This book is not about what habits can do for you and your life but rather about what habits have done for others. Duhigg talks about how habits have helped some individual surpass seemingly impossible odds and, conversely, he talks about how habits have destroyed the lives of others. There is also a lot of discussion about how habits are made and what goes on inside our brains. Duhigg also discusses how habits can be used corporately to turn around entire institutions. If you are looking for a book that is a breakdown of habits, and how habits can change your life, this is a great book. However, if you are looking for help to develop and implement habit into your life then this book will not do a lot for you.
My takeaway: Habit is a large part of our lives whether we realize it or not. Habits can make or break individuals and companies.
Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin
Ms. Rubin breaks down four tendencies that are habit-related: why habit matters, how habits are formed, and how to most easily and effectively implement new habits into your life. She especially focuses in this book on how habit can give us freedom in our lives rather than restricting us. Habits are what we do without thinking about it. Habit takes away the need to make decisions and frees up mental space to allow for us to concentrate our efforts on what matters most to us. If you have had trouble developing new habits in the past give this book a try!
My takeaway: I really enjoyed how Reuben takes a look at habit through the framework of the four tendencies, and how our innate tendencies can inform how we approach forming habits. (To read about the four tendencies check out that post here)
Atomic Habits by James Clear
This book examines the effect that small minute changes can have over a lifetime. Seemingly small inconsequential changes can add up and make a big difference over a lifetime. This book reminds me a lot of The Compound Effect as both stress the cup active effects of habit over a lifetime. Clear offers tips on how to develop and implement habits into your life, one little change at a time. He gives tips such as habit stacking, stacking a new habit onto an old habit, and the two-minute time cap—after two minutes of doing the new thing, you are done. This is how you can break down the obstacle of starting.
My takeaway: This book is full of tactical tools to help put new habits into place.
The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy
While not exclusively about habit, this book is great because it stresses the fact that it is not the big things in life that make the biggest change in our lives but rather it is the small things. The little minute changes that you make day after day compound and make a big difference over a year or more. A lot of books on creating new habits can be overwhelming, but since this book stresses the importance of small wins, you can come away feeling encouraged by a small change that you made! (I also talk about The Compound Effect in my post, Books to help you build the life you want in 2021 click here to read about those books.)
My takeaway: This book reminds you of what a difference a minute change can make over a year, or lifetime!
by Alaina | Jul 11, 2021 | Sunday Scripture
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, our Heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Matthew 6:14 NIV
A couple years ago I had this . . . situation. There was this individual, let’s just call this individual Sue, who I initially liked. Situations aligned and Sue was able to help me out with a project and in return I was able to teach her a new skill. It seemed like a godsend situation—until it didn’t. I saw a whole different side to Sue than I had previously seen, and I didn’t like it. I tried being patient. I had given her second chance after second chance. I tried to be loving yet firm. It didn’t matter, Sue’s actions didn’t change.
Eventually things got unbearable and we decided to go our separate ways—no hurt feelings. Except that mine were hurt. By all accounts, Sue had not treated me right: she knew it and I knew it. This was one of those times in life when we are wronged and have done nothing to deserve it. I told myself, my husband, and my mom that I had simply seen a different side to Sue’s personality and had no desire to continue the friendship we previously shared. And, no, I wasn’t bitter and, yes, I forgave her for the way she wronged me. But my actions spoke otherwise.
As I said, we went our separate ways but when I would see Sue, I staved off conversations with a quick wave and smile before turning and making a graceful exit. When it looked like she was going to come over and join a conversation, I would step closer to whoever I was talking to, making it look like we were in an engrossing conversation and we shouldn’t be bothered. It worked. I successfully avoided Sue in a friendly manner for months and had myself convinced that I was okay. I ignored the flood of angry emotions that boiled to the surface when she came to mind.
Ignoring or barely tolerating a person is not forgiveness. Forgiveness is being able to truly love that person again.
A few months later I was sitting in church, I don’t remember what the sermon was on, but a still small voice said in my ear, “What if you are the only Jesus they ever see?” I knew who the “they” was. Sue had been going through a long rough patch. Life hadn’t been easy for her, and I knew she had been struggling for a while. She kept waiting for the one thing that would change everything for her. Funny isn’t it? We wait for the “one thing” to happen that will change everything and we forget that it is the Creator Of All Things who is the only one who can change anything. What if I was the only example of Jesus that Sue had in her life at this time? Would I let my bitterness get in the way?
I believe the Holy Spirit was prompting me but I told myself I had just imagined it. (Never mind the fact that there was no way I would have come up with that thought regarding Sue on my own!) So now I was stuck. I was supposed to take action. I was supposed to reach out to her. I thought it would be weird to call or to text her out of the blue. It would be even weirder, not to mention awkward, to invite her over for dinner. (Oh the lies we tell ourselves!) Then I looked out my window and saw my blueberry bushes—they were brimming with big, juicy berries that desperately needed picking—and I got an idea! Blueberries are Sue’s absolute favorite food so I asked her if she wanted to come pick blueberries with me. She said yes. We moved on. I forgave.
Not too long after that she moved away. If I had ignored the Holy Spirit’s prompting or procrastinated for much longer, I would have deprived myself from being able to forgive Sue. Forgiving her wasn’t just about her. It had been about me too. I’m not sure she even realized the depth to which I felt she had hurt and wronged me. But I knew. And it had been festering. Typically, I am not slow to forgive—I have a short memory and often times can’t even remember why I was hurt or angry! This time though, it was a struggle. If I was or ever will be the only example of Jesus that someone sees, I sure do not want them thinking that Jesus is a bitter God who is slow to forgive. I want them to see the Jesus that I willingly serve, who is slow to anger and abounding in mercy, especially to me.
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by Alaina | Jul 9, 2021 | Decorating, Homemaking
We all reach that point when we get, well . . . bored with our homes. The major holidays that we decorate for are behind us, and our home is furnished: we have rugs, lamps, and essential things, but then our home just starts to feel static, a little dull and boring. This is when I always want some retail therapy!
A while ago I learned a kind of quirky trick that works when I’m in a shopping mood, but don’t need to go shopping because I don’t need anything. I go grocery shopping. It’s weird, I know, but I get the endomorphic boost of buying things—in this case groceries which are necessary—and since I have a low tolerance for how long I can shop this usually does the trick for a while. What does this have to do with anything? I think the same general concept can be applied when it comes to being bored with our home.
Step One: Declutter
When I start to get bored with my home something else happen simultaneously—my home gets a little messy. I’m pretty OCD so it’s not like my house ever gets terribly messy, but it will lose some of its polish. This is somewhat of the “which came first, the chicken or the egg” conundrum because I’m not entirely sure if my house gets messy because I get bored, or if I get bored then it is easy for me to let it get a little sloppy. Regardless, the same cure will work—purge!
If you are feeling bored, before you go out and purchase more things, start with decluttering your space. It does not have to be a huge overhaul but look around for any “hot spots;” places where mail and magazines are gathering, drawers that are overcrowded, and even what is going on underneath the sink! Doing a little purge will give you the same endomorphic release that shopping does and if you still do decide to go out to buy some new things, you’ll have a little more room for them!
Step Two: Shop Your Home
While you are decluttering keep your eye open for anything you may have forgotten about. Are there dishes that you love that are behind a closed cabinet door? Pull them out! Can you use them as a tray? Can you tilt a tray that you love up on its side and use it on your mantle? Is there a cup or bowl that you could stick a little succulent in and place on your coffee table books? Try looking at things with fresh eyes and see what you may be forgetting about that you already own and love.
Step Three: Play Musical Chairs
Try moving one item in each room to a different room and see what happens. So often we purchase something for a room; over time we add other elements to that room and slowly we start to not love that lamp that was in the living room as much as we first did. Meanwhile, we desperately need a lamp for the guest room! This is another area where we become blind to the options before us as we are so used to how things are that we forget we can move them.
Step Four: Rearrange Your Furniture
My mom is adamantly opposed to buying furniture for her house that will only allow one option for furniture arrangement. She wants to have options! She wants to be able to move the table, chairs and couch and swap things all around. (Her house is open concept so that does make this easier.) Moving furniture around will help to inspire you and get your creativity flowing!
Lastly: Count Your Blessings
Because of technology, we have so many opportunities to see inside other’s homes and it sparks a desire within us to want them too. Marketing messages are aimed at making us less content with what we already own. We see the influencer on Instagram and all the cute home items in Target and we start to feel like our home is sub-par. But look around! Look at what makes your home feel like you. You bought these things (hopefully) because you love them, so embrace your home and the items within it! Maybe you need to do a little shopping refresher—that’s ok! Just don’t lose your home’s soul to the latest trend if it’s not you. Make your home a reflection of you—of the things that you enjoy in life. And most importantly, don’t be afraid to live in your home!
by Alaina | Jul 4, 2021 | Grace Notes, Sunday Scripture
And remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God brought you out from there by a mighty hand and by an outstretched arm . . .
Deut. 5:15
Happy Independence Day! In America it is the 245th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, when what was to become America first made her break with England. I love the 4th of July holiday. I know—I realize I love just about every holiday, but Independence Day is especially special to me.
Growing up I loved reading historical fiction and my favorite was always the historical fiction set at the time of the Revolutionary War. There is just something dashing and romantic about a nation coming into being, something about 13 little undeveloped colonies saying they believe in their freedom and independence so much that they were willing to sacrifice all they held dear, to take on the strongest nation in the world, for the chance—a slim chance—of having total freedom, both religious and financial.
We largely ignore how close to complete defeat we were for most of the Revolutionary War. We barely made it. There were many, many times when the colonists gained a victory not through their own strength, but rather through acts of God, when nature would cooperate at just the right time and just long enough for the colonists to escape, or just long enough to set up armaments before the British would realize what was happening.
There are so many things that should not have aligned but for divine intervention. God used those 56 men who were willing to sacrifice everything to birth this nation. They committed high treason. If they had been caught by the British, they were dead men. Still they willingly forged ahead, debating and negotiating among themselves for days on end, culminating in the signing of the Declaration of Independence, a document that would go down in history as one of the most pivotal documents of all time. How intelligent and brave these men were!
This Independence Day, let’s pause and remember what these ordinary men, that God used in an extraordinary way, did and thank God for this great nation and for the blessings He has bestowed upon her. If America would like to remain a great nation, America must remember her great God, for there is no freedom but through Him.
by Alaina | Jul 3, 2021 | Grace Notes
I am by nature a tighter wound, anxious type of person. I would not describe myself as a worrier per se, but I do get nervous about all the details coming together. For example, growing up I took dance lessons. All year we would practice and at the end of the school year we would have a recital. The other girls would get nervous of performing in front of an audience. Not me. I got nervous about all the other things—would I be able to make my costume switch in time? Would my hair hold up and not fall out on stage? What if my tights got a runner in them? I wasn’t worried about performing—I had control of that. I knew the dances and could perform them well. But things like an earring falling out on stage—that was out of my control and made me nervous.
I love the water. I grew up on the Allegheny River, playing and swimming in the water all summer long. About a half mile up river from where we lived there were some large rocks that would create ripples in the water—they weren’t rapids exactly, even though they sounded big and we did refer to them as “Killer Falls”—and right below the “rapids” was perfect fish habitat. We usually could find a few bass, catfish or even a walleye or two. We would float down to Killer Falls on air mattresses, then Dad and I would snap on our masks and snorkels and plunge into the water to see what we could see, leaving my mother to sun herself on the air mattresses in relative peace and quiet.
We recently went to the beach. One of the days we were there, we decided that rather than just looking at the water all day we would spend some time in the water—we did a snorkeling excursion. As I said, I love the water but I was very apprehensive about snorkeling in the big, wide ocean. I mean the river is only so deep—therefore nothing all that large can grow in it. But the ocean? Have you seen pictures of those creepy lantern fish? Never mind that they dwell far deeper than we would be swimming but they could still surface just to creep me out! And sharks! Sharks live in the ocean! Why were we presenting ourselves as living shark bait!? I’m little—I certainly look like shark food!
I can’t tell you why I started to let my mind run away with me as we sailed out to where we would be snorkeling. I wasn’t super worried about drowning or getting lost at sea; I am a proficient swimmer and no tour boat is going to let a passenger get lost, but it could happen! All these were things that I knew most people were worried about, so I decided to worry about them. I had never been snorkeling in the ocean so I didn’t know what it would be like but I decided to get ahead and start worrying about it.
We sailed to our destination and they handed out life preservers, goggles, snorkels, and fins. I jumped in and swam over to where the group was waiting. When I got there I looked down and the sight took my breath away! Schools of fish were on both sides of me. Yellow fish, silverfish, fish I did not know, and way, way more than I had ever seen in my river snorkeling trips, let me tell you! Below the fish were coral—actual real coral growing in the wild! And just like that I was in heaven!
We made our way behind the tour guide and saw more fish and barracudas. I tapped my husband’s arm excitedly and tried pointing to everything I saw. He had no idea what I was doing but he put up with me anyway—I just couldn’t contain my excitement! About halfway through our swim, I realized that I wasn’t scared at all. I wanted to swim the whole ocean and see everything there was to see: from the beautiful to the ugly, and everything in between! Being in the water with the snorkel in my mouth felt as natural as getting dressed. My fears about seeing a shark? I mean how cool would it be to see a shark up close and personal!!
I realized something at that moment. I wasn’t scared of the water, be it ocean or river. I may not want to go swimming in alligator and snake infested water in the Amazon … but I wasn’t scared. I don’t think this was a case of me being brave and overcoming my fears. I don’t believe these things were ever actually my fears. These were learned fears and behaviors from others—not from within myself. I grew up on the water, grew up in my youngest years going to the beach and playing in the ocean—years when I was too young to be scared or know of all the risks. As I grew I began realizing there were risks. I was already less afraid because I knew certain pitfalls, was confident in my abilities, and, yes, an accident could happen but car accidents happen all the time and we don’t think twice about getting in our cars.
This made me question if there were other areas of my life where I had been telling myself a fear-based narrative when actually it’s not something that I am afraid of. What are the things that I think I should be afraid of and have adopted the fear? I am afraid of heights. At a solid 5 feet tall it doesn’t take much height to make me feel the ground is very, very far away. But the water? Why did I think I was scared?
How many things have you steered away from trying because you are afraid? Have you ever done that particular thing before? Don’t write it off because it’s something you are afraid of! There will be things that you are not naturally inclined to do that will take a lot of effort to overcome the fear, but don’t confuse what you are innately afraid of with things you have learned to fear for no good reason! If it’s as safe as getting in a car, then try it! You may uncover a whole new world that is waiting for you.
One last note—remember how I was worried about sharks? After we finished snorkeling, we were taken to an island to hang out on the beach. My husband and I were wading in the water when we heard a little boy shout, “ Shark!” Everyone froze and looked to where he was pointing and sure enough, a little two-foot-long shark had found its way into the swimming area. He swam in a wide U veering away from anyone he saw until he made his way safely out into the open ocean. So there you have it—fears about seeing a shark when snorkeling were superfluous, but then realized when we were swimming unabashedly in the ocean a short time later!
P.S.
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