These things I have spoken to you so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.
John 16:33
I knew a family that seemed to have it all. He was a successful lawyer, she a talented photographer. He had just made partner in a large firm, she had started her own business and it was going great. They had just moved into this big beautiful house tucked away in the woods. It was top notch technology in this house complete with the fanciest coffee maker I had ever seen. Their lives seemed utterly devoid of tribulation.
I pictured them on a quiet morning drinking their coffee from their fancy coffee maker and sitting on their flower-covered porch as the sun broke through the trees and filtered down onto the house. “How great their lives must be,” I thought. Imagine having such a beautiful, quiet start to your day!
I dream of having quiet mornings where I make my coffee and drink it on my back porch as I watch the sun crest over the distant hills. Of course I only get to do this sporadically–weekends, and the occasional work day that starts a little later than normal. But to do it every day? Heavenly!
Anyway, I Idealized their life in their beautiful house, choosing to see only that which I wanted to see in their lives. I would think of the picturesque setting and think how nice it must be to have a life like that. Then, as I got to know them better, I found out about the less beautiful side of their lives. About her health issues and all the complications they created. About the struggles they endured behind their smiles. And I realized I wouldn’t want to trade places as I once thought I would.
How often do we do this? Envying the part of someone’s life that we see while ignoring or not acknowledging the rest. We want to pick and choose the good, ignore the bad, and imagine that other people really do have the dream life that we always wanted. But it doesn’t exist–no one has the dream life.
The perfect life does not exist here on earth; we don’t know what people are hiding behind their smiles. We cannot envy the good in someone’s life and think that they don’t have struggles too.
We all have struggles in this life–Jesus told us we would! But He told us something else too. He told us that He has overcome the world. Did you catch that? He has overcome the world–the whole world, and all the troubles it contains. He has overcome the pain of loss, the discouragement of medical troubles, the hurt of betrayal. He has overcome it all–and through Him so can we.
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Do you like to host? We love to have people over, to make food, and have people gather around our table. Life is busy and this doesn’t happen as much as we would like but we are happy when we have a houseful. Hosting can be stressful. Especially for an introvert like me. I value hospitality and I want my guests to feel comfortable in my home. I want it to be a place where they feel comfortable and not like they are imposing. Over the years I have found 7 tips for better hosting that I go to regularly for better hosting!
My mother once found a 1950s edition book on the art of hosting and entertaining by Betty Crocker. In it the author talks about how her nephew attended a college in her town, so she opened her home to him and his friends so that he would feel that he had a place to call home as his parents did not live nearby. Anytime he wanted to have friends over, she would painstakingly labor and prepare beforehand. One such night she overhears her nephew, oblivious to the amount of work going on behind the scenes, comment to one of his friends, “You guys can come over anytime—my aunt always has stuff ready at a moment’s notice!” His aunt, hearing this laughed: she didn’t have it ready at a moment’s notice! It took a bunch of work to pull it off, but her guests were blissfully unaware! This is the number one rule for hosting: your guests must never feel like an imposition. In this day and age we are much more casual and expectations are arguably lower than they were in the 1950s, but this is still the experience we want to create for our guests. We want our guests to feel welcome so they will come again!
I have collected several tips that help make hosting less stressful for me. I hope these tips help things to flow better the next time you have people over and make you more excited to open your home, and spend more time with the people you love.
1. Plan for Early
I hate rushing around at the last minute trying to tie up loose ends before my guests arrive so I always plan to have everything ready one-half hour before anyone is supposed to arrive. Sometimes people come really early; sometimes I run late, but if I plan to have everything set a half hour before people arrive then I should have extra time. lf they are arriving while I am still pouring chips and salsa into bowls, it doesn’t look like I’m late—it looks like I was just waiting for them to arrive!
2. Clear Out the Coat Closet
We have a tiny coat closet in our entry. I love the placement of it—it is right at the end of the runner by my front door, which gives people enough room to get through the door and take off their shoes, but not so far that they have to wonder where in the world to put their things. However, as I stated, it is a tiny coat closet. Especially in winter it is very difficult to squeeze in many extra coats, so we take our coats out ahead of time and put in extra hangers. This way there is plenty of room for people to hang their things. Otherwise, their coats and hats may get slung over the back of the couch or loveseat and will inevitably need to be moved later so people can sit down.
3. Does it Smell?
Our house had a funky odor when we moved in, that sticky, sweet, dusty smell that just seems to hang in some homes. We have since ripped up the old carpeting, washed and painted the walls and now the smell is gone. However, since then, I have become super conscious about how my house smells. Plus, we have pets. Every house has its own scent and that’s not a bad thing—just make sure it’s the scent you want your house to have! An hour or two before your guests are due to arrive, start an oil diffuser, or light a few candles (keep an eye on the candles!) so that your house is filled with the scent you want before your guests arrive. (You can do this even when you don’t have guests coming over.)
4. Is It Livable?
Is your house arranged to accommodate the number of people you are having over? You may need to grab an extra chair or two for the dinner table and doing so before people arrive is much easier. If seating in the living room is tight, maybe stash nearby a few pillows. Make sure your house isn’t just cute but guest friendly too!
5. Cue Your Guests
The shoe question: do we leave them on or take them off, that is the question. I personally find it rude to ask people to take off their shoes. I feel rude if I don’t take off my shoes before going into someone’s house. If I don’t take off my shoes, I feel bad if I should track in any dirt, and some people don’t want outside germs to get tracked all over the inside house, especially if they have little ones. If I take off my shoes, my feet get cold, or the hem of my pants might drag on the floor (short people problems!), and well—I hope your floor is clean because you just asked me to walk around in my socks or bare feet!
It’s impossible to cure the shoe situation, it is a rather complex one for me as you just read! One thing you can do is cue your guests on what you would have them do. If you are okay with them wearing shoes, greet them wearing shoes—not slippers! If you want them to take their shoes off, don’t wear shoes while greeting them.
Cueing your guests works in other areas too. Turn lights on where you want guests to linger. Shut doors or keep lights off in a room where you don’t want them. If you have a hallway that leads to a bathroom, turn on the hall light so it looks more inviting for them.
6. Do What You Can Ahead
If you are cooking for lots of people, prepare as much as you can so it’s all ready before your guests arrive. If people are bringing prepared dishes, set out hot plates or make space for them to set their dishes. If they are bringing chips or something that will need to be put into a bowl, have some in mind and at easy reach so you aren’t trying to climb to the top cabinet to get it while everyone is arriving.
7. Go Simple
If the thought of preparing a lot of side dishes with synchronized baking times makes you a little crazy—choose a simple dish! Just because it’s simple doesn’t mean it won’t be delicious! My fall back is soup, salad, and garlic bread. I have several different and delicious out-of-the-ordinary soup recipes. We like salad so I always have lots of different toppings on hand to make the salad a little special. It’s easy, it’s good, and I don’t stress! Plus this can feed a lot of people, if necessary!
I hope this helps to give you some ideas on how to simplify things the next time you host, and hopefully will encourage you to open your home and host more! Remember the most important thing is that you are spending time and making memories with the ones you love!
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All things therefore whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, even so do ye also unto them: for this is the law and the prophets.
Matthew 7:12
I self-identify as something of a country girl. I grew up on a river and I definitely ran around barefoot for 90% of my childhood. I didn’t grow up on a farm though. After growing up pretty much in the middle of nowhere, I am much more comfortable on a dirt road with no cell signal than I am in a busy city. It’s just not me.
You can imagine the culture shock then, when my husband and I moved to the city as newlyweds. There was on-street parking (I cannot parallel park to save my life!), all the noises of a city—the police and fire sirens (we lived one street over from the fire department), the traffic, and all the hustle and bustle. And there were the homeless people.
Growing up in a rural area, I knew a lot of people who did not have much—some hardly had anything, but everyone had some type of shelter, albeit a shack-like structure, trailer, or house. No one stood on street corners holding signs asking for money or food. No one slept on park benches. (To be fair there weren’t many parks, much less benches where I grew up.) I knew there were homeless people in the city, of course, and it’s not like I had never been to Pittsburgh before we moved there as newlyweds! Still, there is something about seeing homeless people as I drove from the city to my rural home versus seeing them day in and day out and not necessarily on the same street corner.
It bothered me. I would sit at the stop light in my car waiting for the light to change, trying to keep my eyes off the poor soul holding the sign in front of me. Should I give him some money? What if he spent it on booze or drugs? Should I give him food? Or, was he just a scammer who didn’t need food and just wanted the money?
I was contemplating this one night on my way home from work. I was stopped at the infamous light and there he was—holding a sign saying he was homeless and anything would help. Anything would help. I didn’t have any cash on me but out of the corner of my eye on the seat beside me I saw the granola bar and the untouched apple from my lunch. I told myself that he wouldn’t want it, he would think I was stupid giving him food—who did I think I was offering my leftovers like I was some generous benefactor? A still small voice seemed to whisper in my ear, “This isn’t about how much he needs it; are you willing to give it.”
I put my window down part way and offered him the granola bar and apple. He was very grateful!
I don’t know what is the right thing to do. I’m sure there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. I only know what I was shown that day—that a lot of times helping others is not necessarily about them. Oftentimes it is about us. How we help and treat others shows the condition of our hearts more than anything else. Jesus told us to help the least of these. And He didn’t follow it with a list of qualifiers. He didn’t say give to the poor but only if they are trying really hard and still can’t make ends meet. He didn’t say to help the poor but only if they are poor because of reasons outside of their control. He said to help them. Do we listen to this command?
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I know you are sick of hearing me say how much I love historical fiction, so I won’t say it again! But I will say, I also love non-fiction history books that read like fiction! Below are a few of my favorites that I have recently read and enjoyed
George Washington’s Secret 6 by Brian Kilmeade and Don Yaeger
This book is engaging from the start—but even if it wasn’t—hearing about the first spy ring during America’s fight for independence will keep you enthralled! The authors start by introducing each of the individuals associated with the spy ring. We hear about how the ring came into existence and the British plots that were overthrown, thanks to the knowledge gained by the spy ring. There is a great chance America would not have won the Revolution without the individuals in the spy ring.
The First Conspiracy by Brad Meltzer and Josh Mensch
This is a little known passage from history, but an important one. It is the early years of the Revolutionary War, and America’s position in the war is shaky. As if things were not bad enough for the fledgling country, a plot is hatched to destroy America’s currency in a large-scale counterfeit operation. America’s currency was already much weaker than Britain’s and an operation of this scale would destroy any chance of America gaining her independence—but can they catch all the culprits in time?
Killer Angels by Michael Sharrah
This one has been on my TBR (To Be Read) list for years—probably close to a decade—but I never picked it up because I thought it would be boring. Boy was I wrong! Not only was it good, it was so good that I paused another novel I was reading to read this one first! Mr. Sharrah depicts the battle of Gettysburg through the rotating points of view of Lee, Longstreet, Buford, and Chamberlin. Mr. Sharrah does a great job of getting into the mind of each character in a way that is both authentic and engaging. I highly recommend this one! Be forewarned this books takes place on a battlefield with soldiers and there is a fair amount of swearing involved though nothing terribly egregious.
The Wright Brothers by David McCullough
I read this one a while ago but was reminded of it when we went to the Outer Banks on vacation and decided to visit the Wright Brothers Museum, which is also site of the first flight. Mr. McCullough is a great storyteller and really brings to life the personalities of Wilbur and Orville on their quest to do what had never before been done—getting man to fly! They came so close to giving up entirely but their perseverance was rewarded!
Killing The Mob by Bill O’Reilly and Martin Dugard
Growing up I loved reading books about the 1920s, ‘30s, and ‘40s. Old Hollywood and the glitz and glamor of it all. I too lived vicariously through the old time actors just like the women did generations before me. There was a dark side to the glitz and glamor though. This was an age of great corruption and crime. Crime ran rampant in an era where law enforcement in different states didn’t communicate with each other and running from the law was as easy as crossing the nearest state line. The authors of this book go into detail into how the crime of the ‘30s and ‘40s created the perfect environment for the mob to begin and flourish for decades. This book kept me turning pages! Be forewarned, however, as may be expected of a book that has the word ‘killing’ in the title, there are some gory parts that you may want to skip through. If you are a highly sensitive person you may want to simply skip this one.
If you are not much of a nonfiction reader and you find yourself wanting to make a foray into the non-fiction world, I hope you will give one of the above titles a chance. Let me know what you think—and if you know anyone else who is a history lover, feel free to share this post with them!
I aspire to keep a tidy home and, while I don’t aspire to minimalism in its purest sense, I do love the thought of being a minimalist. I have been in homes of people who are minimalists and there is definitely something freeing about not being encumbered by lots of “stuff.” I love seeing the surfaces uncluttered by paraphernalia. The openness is restful. I say this, but in my heart I still like having my stuff. I like knowing that I have a few extras of things on hand and not just what I absolutely need. I had plenty of toilet paper on hand at the outbreak of COVID19!
Somewhere along the line though, I took this to a little bit of an extreme. While acknowledging that I would never be a total minimalist I still started to act like I was. Let me explain—I would go through rooms decluttering and purging items, but not quite as ruthlessly as if I was all-in on the minimalism idea. I started feeling guilty that I had more things than a minimalist—even though being a minimalist wasn’t my goal!
This came to light when I was going through some of my grandmother’s jewelry. She didn’t need or want much jewelry so she gave a lot of pieces to me. I’m not talking pure gold and silver jewelry but costume jewelry—hardly worth anything monetarily, but a lot of the pieces could be considered vintage and are becoming current; they could be cute paired with the right outfit! That is the keyword—could. I might not wear them. I don’t wear much jewelry, but then again, I might. And they were grandma’s. . . I don’t want to be hampered by stuff and she was never sentimental. She would not want me to keep it if I didn’t really want it. I felt like I should get rid of some of the pieces, but I was afraid I might regret it.
There was a lot of energy going into the decision of whether to keep or get rid of some of the items that take up no more room than a Ziploc baggie. Finally it dawned on me—I didn’t have to get rid of it. It was okay to keep a few pieces that didn’t bring me joy if it made me feel lighter over the decision of keeping them than I did about getting rid of them just to be freed of “stuff.” It was almost like I heard someone whisper in my ear, “Who told you that you had to be a minimalist?” I realize this is a rather silly example, and a first world problem at best but it led to an important realization for me.
Where have we heard those words before, “Who told you?” In the third chapter Genesis in the Garden of Eden, when Adam and Eve are hiding their nakedness and trying to hide from God, God asks them why they are hiding. They reply that it is because they are naked. God then asks who it was that told them they were naked. It was Satan who had lured them to eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and it was through eating of the fruit that they discovered they were naked. Whose voice did they listen to?
Whose voice have you listened to saying you needed to be thinner, smarter, faster—or you needed to do this or that—fill in the blank! Many things in life are neutral and having stuff is neutral—neither good nor bad as long as we do not place undo worth in the things themselves. Taking care of our bodies is important and certain things we do need to do but we must be careful to discern whose voice we listen to. Yes we should always be reaching, stretching and learning and we should be praying and doing the things that God’s Word commands us to do. If we are doing what God wants us to do, does the other stuff really matter? In the grand scheme of things very little from this earth will matter and none of our stuff can we take with us when we leave this earth. It is not what we hear from this world that is important—it is what we learn from God’s Word that is most important. It is what God says that matters. We are to look to Him, lean on Him and trust Him.
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